August 31, 2004

Jack the Ripper

What's worse than being raped by Jack the Ripper? - Getting fingered by captain hook!!

August 30, 2004

Jack and Jill

Jack and Jill Went up the hill, to smoke some marijuana. Jack got high and dropped his fly, and said, "Jill, do you wanna?" Jill said yes and lifted her dress, and then they had some fun. But silly Jill forgot the pill, and now they have a son!

August 29, 2004

Incest

Incest... A game the whole family can play.

August 28, 2004

Is it so bad?

What's so bad about being a dick? - Your closest mates are 2 nuts and an ass hole, your master covers you in a plastic bag, And every time you get excited you vomit.

August 27, 2004

If you cross a penis and a potato?

What do you get if you cross a penis and a potato? - A dictator.

August 26, 2004

How do Chinese say 69er?

How do Chinese say, "69er?" - Tu-can-chu.

August 25, 2004

Grit in a condom

What do you call grit in a condom? - An organ grinder!

August 24, 2004

Greatest Lies

What are the two greatest lies? "The cheque is in the mail," and "I promise I won't cum in your mouth."

August 23, 2004

Good Driving

There was this guy sitting on a park bench muttering to himself and spitting. He would mutter, then spit, mutter, then spit, he would say, "Damn, that son of a bitch can drive", then spit, "Damn, that son of a bitch can drive", then spit, "Damn that son of a bitch can drive", then spit.

A man sits down next to him and asks him, "What's going on here? You keep saying, 'Damn that son of a bitch can drive', then you spit".

"Well", says the guy, "My friend just got a brand new sports car, so he calls me and asks me if I want to go for a ride. So I say sure, why not? He picks me up and we drive up to the mountains. After we have lunch, we start back down the mountain and his brakes go out!! He's pumping the pedal, and nothing!! So now we're picking up speed and the road is all twisty and curvy. We're going faster and faster and it's hard to stay on the road. I've got my fingers embedded in the dashboard, and I'm pleading with him to do something!! We're going about 90 mph now, with a sheer cliff on our right, a 500 foot drop on the other side, an 18 wheeler right on our ass, and an overturned motor home right in front of us. Well, I figure this is it! I just knew we were gonna die! So I turn to him and said... 'Buddy, if you can get us outta this, I'll give you the best damn blow job you've ever had!'"

He paused. Then spit. "DAMN, THAT SON OF A BITCH CAN **DRIVE**!!"

August 22, 2004

Gay Lunch

Two gay guys are sharing an apartment. One gay guy is sitting on the couch jerking off in a brown paper bag. His partner walks into the room ready to go to work and asks what the hell are you doing?! The other guy replies, "I'm Packing Your Lunch!!!"